Carry on, and leave ‘should’ behind. There is a plan in place for every dividual, and even from an atheist’s standpoint, the patterns and behaviours we are instilled with are the self-fulfilling prophecies of life and learning. Given enough time and enough trials, any intelligence can succeed. So, recognise that this is where one ought to be, exactly what is in this very moment. Else, one faces the destructive and sapping pattern of judging one’s own feelings, a continual secondary or tertiary dialogue to drain the very vessel that allows it to exist in the first place. Move to a recognition that there is neutrality in expression as the net is always zero, and hence each emotion has its place to be expressed at one’s will. Allow the tears to flow and flow, and see if they stop or if it is time for such due to be made. The feeling is to be experienced and felt, allow it so.

Meditate.

‍