One gets the opportunity to decide how an objective event, that just is, affects them emotionally. Pain then, can be thought of as self-inflicted in a sense as the ‘horrible’ thing that someone said to another only causes pain if some form of judgement has been broken in that saying and/or the receiver is susceptible to such statements of identity. Calling a perfectly fit and formed persona ‘fat’ would bring a smile to their face, there is zero pain to be had for it is known to be objectively the opposite. For the same statement projected at a persona for whom has a lack of security in such areas and/or the form that could be prodded in that such way, the pain one identifies with is wholly their own. The extent to which the other party is held accountable is far less than the receiving party is. Using an extreme case, should one speak in a manner lacking care toward a dividual that has chosen to suffer tendencies of self-harm, then, given one lacks the knowledge of such tendencies, are they to be held accountable for the harm inflicted on the other from the other in response to their actions? They are responsible so far as that they provided stimulus, the rest that follows is completely the responsibility and duty of the receiving party.
Meditate.